muffindoodle

What is it, National Asshat Day or something?

Earlier I got PMed on Yahoo chat by the king of them all -- a 23-year-old mortgage banker who kept telling me how intelligent and successful he was. (He started out by writing -- and misspelling -- "Hi how are ya babe.")

He didn't bother to read our profile. He didn't look at our web page or our blog. He kept asking for photos. He asked me if I liked to go out and have a good time. He repeatedly told me how successful he is. At one point he asked me if I "liked it in the ass."

I didn't put him on ignore instantly because I was laughing my ass off over his banality and tedium. Finally I asked him if he was bi or bi-curious.

He replied: "neither I like the ladies"

I advised him that that's why it was a good idea to read a profile or a blog if someone suggested it.

His response: "I read your web page. It bored me. I think you made that shit up."

Nope. "Making that shit up" is what sad little boys like him have to do because they can't get any pussy.

What do you think? King of the asshats or what?

I find it very funny that he tripped over himself to deny that he had any bi-curious leanings, yet at one point asked if I "liked it in the ass."

Want to know his Yahoo ID? E-mail me. :-)

Our excursions into the naughty side continue: We now own a webcam.

And last night we had sex on the couch while someone watched via the webcam.

Muffinman hooked the thing up before I got home from work, and we adjusted it and played with it a bit. We were chatting with a guy with whom we've become friendly, and I went upstairs to change clothes (I put on a nice new black lace thong that Muffinman generously gave me last night). When I came back down, our online friend was tuned in.

So pretty soon -- after Muffinman flashed our friend a glimpse of HIS thong -- we segued over to the couch, where Muffinman pulled my panties over to one side and began to lap dilligently at my pussy.

This turned into downright finger-fucking. Muffinman slid his tongue in and out of my cunt while playing with my clit. I came in his mouth; he ripped off his pants and put his cock to good work, fucking me like a wild man.

The whole time, were were COMPLETELY conscious that someone was actually watching us. The idea made me, at least, pretty hot.

Our friend gave us good reviews, though he remarked that we seemed somewhat restrained. I attribute that to the webcam, because later, after we were in bed, we fucked each other senseless. I told Muffinman I wanted to have a sore pussy today; he obliged. And then he jerked off while I watched and then came in my mouth, thick salty spurts against the back of my throat.

We both slept VERY well. :-)

Want to see us on webcam? E-mail us and tell us why, and maybe we'll let you have a peek. ;-)

Oh my.

I found this link on the ErosBlog Sex Blog. And this quote from it:

"The first time I kiss a woman it rocks me all the way down to my knees. Later, when I am alone, I burst into tears. I think about it over and over again. I want to go around singing that stupid song that was on MTV for awhile, 'I Kissed A Girl.' I lock myself in the bathroom and think about it some more, and touch myself. The first time I have sex with a woman I am terrified that I won’t know what to do. I think that I will do to her all the things that I like to have done to me, for starters, and that perhaps she can tell me all the rest. Her skin is so unbelievably smooth, her breasts so soft, and she is wet and plush-velvety, and red, and deep. Her clitoris rises toward my mouth like a sweet, dark fig. It is the best sex. Ever."

I wonder if it will be like that.

Muffinman told me he knows what she means. He said that's how he felt the first time he kissed me.

OK, people aren't getting it.

Muffinman had an annoying exchange today with a 21-year-old asshat who has a picture of his CAR in his Yahoo profile. And it's a really ugly car, too.

The guy is utterly clueless. Utterly. He leaped in with both feet this morning and wanted to know what Muffinman and I did last night. He was told that we went to bed early because we were both exhausted and both had early mornings today. He allowed as how that was "no fun."

He went on in this vein for awhile, wanting photos and details of our appearances and bragging about his charms, before Muffinman essentially blew him off. When Muffinman came back to his desk a little while ago, Mr. Charm and Personality had IMed him this message:"Hey, want to talk to me or not? I thought of some interesting things we can do."

We thought of an interesting thing we can do with you, Mr. My-Car-Is-My-Identity: Ignore the hell out of you and hope that someone buys you a ticket on the clue bus.

Slutmuffin's correspondence with our Gaelic princess is making me unbearably hot. The thought that she was reading about our sex lives, and touching herself just about blew the top of my head off. In her last correspondence, she asked about our "dreams and visions." Speaking for myself, I envision Slutmuffin's face buried between her legs, tongue dancing around her clit; experiencing what it's like from my point of view, for her to experience giving a woman an orgasm... I hope she keeps writing to us.

People ask us all the time what we're looking for. Well, in a nutshell, we'd like to find someone who can stimulate us not only sexually, but intellectually. Someone who has an imagination, not afraid to try something new, and is willing to get to know us before we start making hotel reservations. Young, single straight guys are getting really, really boring.

I also look at people differently, I wonder how many of the people I run across have seen Slutmuffin's dripping, shaved pussy and want to plunge their cocks or tongues into it. How many guys would like to bury their manhood in my ass? What would it feel like to have that guy's cock in my mouth? What would it feel like to have a cock explode in my mouth.

Curiosity can be a dangerous thing. And one hell of a lot of fun!

OK, so I'm a sicko.

Since Muffinman and I embarked on this little excursion into kink, I find myself looking at people differently.

I wonder if women I pass on the street also shave their pussies. I wonder if men in the restaurant yearn to be fucked in the ass.

I speculate on whether they own an ever-increasing collection of sex toys.

And I look at naughty-looking women and wonder what it would be like to flick my tongue over their clits and slide my fingers into their wet pussies.

Sigh.

We've got new photos up -- including several of my newly bald pussy -- here. Check 'em out.

I got another nice e-mail from my new crush, A. Too bad she lives so far away. Not only can she spell and use correct grammar (!), she and I seem to be on the same wavelength.

It really is discouraging. We've been logging in to Yahoo chat, and a name like slutmuffin tends to attract some attention. Within minutes, PMs like this start popping up:

a/s/l? (Too lazy to click the "profile" button?)

got any pics? (Yes. So nice of you to ask.)

hi (The epitome of a brilliant conversational ploy.)

what up? (I can't think of anything original to say, so I'll just slap a few words on there and let you entertain me.)

The winner so far, however, was a guy who PMed me last week and aimed a few such conversational loogies my way. Then he announced this (I'll correct all the misspellings so normal people can figure it out):

"I'm a nympho."

I was confused, because I'd been under the impression that I was conversing with a male. So I asked his sex. He said he was a man.

I told him he might want to rethink telling people that he's a nympho, then, because only women are called nymphomaniacs. He replied:

"What's a guy called, then?"

Once we had that clarified, we continued in this vein for a bit. I asked him if he was bi or bi-curious. He said no, he's straight. I thought I'd tweak him a bit and told him that maybe that was because he was too young and afraid of such feelings.

He launched into a diatribe about how he was a homophobe and proud of it, and he didn't understand why that was considered wrong. He declared that homosexuality is wrong, and went off on the whole "it's-unnatural-because-you-don't-see-animals-doing-it" bullshit. He also started harping on artsy-fartsy faggots and how we were all a bunch of damn queers.

I reacted with gales of digital laughter and never heard another peep from him. Muffinman and I now refer to him as the Homophobic Nympho.

And ...

We've also been linked in Adult Backwash. No comments yet, though -- anyone want to post one? :-)

We are happy to have our blog included in the 100 Blogs project. I'm not sure we qualify as "kinky" -- or at least not as kinky as some -- but still ... we're honored. :-)

If you know of some more sites that might want to link to us, let us know.

We've also gotten another naughty e-mail. An actual invitation! It's making us all hot and bothered.

We got another nice e-mail last night from someone who enjoyed the Saga of the Shaved Pussy:

I'm so hard after reading your shaved pussy story
I jacked off and came a huge load in your honor.
Would love to see it.

It's nice to get fan mail. Send us some if you feel like it. :-)

Both Muffinman and I thought we were too tired last night to do anything with the aforementioned shaved pussy, but we proved ourselves wrong.

After touching up my shaving job from the night before, I emerged from the bathtub and flopped on the bed, where Muffinman was stretched out, reading and looking drop-dead sexy.

Before too long he started to stroke me and make me purr (that's how he refers to it, and that's the best way to describe the sounds he causes me to make). Finally he murmured, "Damn, girl," and slid his fingers inside my smooth (and increasingly wetter) pussy. Then his tongue. And then his very hard cock.

Afterward, Muffinman kindly patted some lotion onto my pussy for me. No after-shave, please. :-)

The feel of a shaved pink pussy is "very sexy" indeed, to quote my Slutmuffin! She came from the bath, wearing a sexy, silky teddy that barely covered her newly shorn cunt. She took care of that in a big hurry, giving me a quick beaver shot. Smooth and bald. I damn near rolled out of bed. I couldn't wait to get my tongue on (and into) her new and delightfully bald pussy.

Slutmuffin left out one small detail that I felt needed mentioning ... After I fucked her with two dildos at once, she wanted me to fuck her with big blue, while she stroked her clit. Fucking her cunt with the thing, watching her hand dance on her clit, begging me not to stop, I kept thinking about what it would be like to watch somebody's cock other than my own pounding into her. Seeing her strain with effort, pulling him into her. Looking into her eyes, watching her as she loses herself in the mindlessness of orgasm.

I need a cold shower.

We did have a delightful time down by the river last Sunday. After I shed my panties, I had a good time flashing the numerous boats that kept drifting past. I don't know if anyone saw anything, but if they didn't, it wasn't for lack of effort on my part. :-)

After I got through testing out the little egg vibrator, I slid it into Muffinman's ass and turned it on. He sat there in his shorts with the cord trailing out the bottom and a big smile on his face as it buzzed in his bottom. I swear, he's getting addicted to this ass-fucking thing. One of these days I will take great pleasure in watching his reaction with a big cock in his ass, fucking his brains out.

I shaved my pussy last night for the first time in my life. I was getting so turned on while I sat on the edge of the tub with my legs spread wide, carefully shaving away all the hair, that I couldn't tell if the wetness was water from the bath or from me. I find the feel of a shaved pink pussy very sexy. All day today I've been reaching down and rubbing my fingers across it. We'll get some pictures of it up this week and you can see for yourself. (We have posted a couple of new ones, if you'd like to see. Go here and click on "photo gallery.")

Muffinman also seemed to appreciate the new appearance of my cunt. He licked me and finger-fucked me for a lovely long time, and at one time had two dildos shoved up my cunt while his tongue danced on my clit. After I'd come countless times, I tried out our new 12-inch "ass prong" on him, sliding it all the way up his ass and fucking him until he had two of his ass orgasms. Then he rolled me over and fucked me silly until he came explosively in my smooth pussy.

There is something so incredibly sexy about a man's orgasm coming all in a rush. The idea that someone can't control himself while he's fucking you is an amazing turn-on.

We got a lovely e-mail this week from a woman whose name I won't reveal, but it's a beautiful name:

Hi... this is the first mail I've written like this, but I found your blog
on bust.com's site, and reading your blog was -such- a turnon for me. I
read it 4 times thru til I finally had to touch myself. I came wildly to
your description of what you'd like to do as a couple to a guest ;)
Anyway,
Great site... don't stop posting ;)

I tried to respond to her, but my e-mail bounced. Anyway, we really appreciate the feedback. Let us know what you think too. :-)

On Father's day, we headed to Minneapolis where we had a fantastic brunch, which left us both sated and happy. Deciding we needed some exercise, we headed-off for what was our "real" destination: SexWorld. We were greeted with an amazing array of naughty toys; some you can imagine, others defy description. We browsed the vibrators, anal stimulators, dildos, inflatables, rubber pussies, and a remarkable device that looked like it came from a medieval torture chamber. We each made and paid for our selections, anxious to put them to good use.

Our next stop was a semi-secluded spot down along the banks of the Mississippi, where we had once met illicitly a few years ago. Armed with blanket, music and one of our new purchases, we found a nice spot, and spread-out the blanket. Slutmuffin had conveniently warn a sexy short skirt, and soon doffed her panties with a flourish. The toy we had chosen was a marvelous little vibrating egg with a variable-speed dial. I chose a low setting, and slowly began moving it over her swelling pussy, her hips rising to meet the dancing orb; ever watchful for would-be observers along the beach. Slutmuffin took the control, and turned up the "volume" a bit at a time, she was ready - I moved it slowly down her lips, seeking her wetness, and slid it slowly to her clit, moving in a circle, not directly touching her now bright-pink clit. That was enough for her, she handed back the control, and took the egg in her hand, moving it up and down her throbbing pussy, while I changed the settings. She begged me to leave it on high, her orgasm building to a crescendo. Her face contorted with the explosiveness of her orgasm, hips bucking, pulling the dancing thing into herself. It seemed to last for minutes, her body rigid in orgasmic spasm, not wanting to let the wave pass over her. The rush of orgasm finally washing over her, she lay quiet, a small private smile on her face. "Good choice, darlin'," I said. Showing a crooked grin of my own. About that time, we noticed a woman sitting about 50 yards down the beach. We had no idea what, if anything, she had seen. The idea of someone watching us made us both excited. I slid my fingers into her soaked pussy, coating my fingers with her juice. I licked them, coating my lips with her sticky come. The afternoon wasn't over yet, but Slutmuffin will have to fill in the details.